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Nigel Barker, Jan Barker, Emily Barker, Lucy Barker, Georgina Barker

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J-BarBlog - 2006

 

Sunday 31st December 2006

2006 was the year I had positive mental attitude.

I did go rock climbing but in doing so broke three teeth - there's a lesson there somewhere.

So, resolutions: spend more time doing the things that makes me happy and less time worrying about things I have no control over/might never happen. Use my time more effectively. Build upon the successes of the past year.

Saturday 30th December

Emily appears to have chickenpox but doesn't seem particularly bothered by the spots (although she insists she is supposed to have breakfast in bed - she saw it on TV).

We took a stroll to Prestongrange and had a picnic before walking back via Burns yard where I both received a calendar (2007 - thanks Sam Burns et al) and purchased a calendar (1972 - complete with naff Scottie Dog). I'm so sure that someone will fall in love with the vintage one that I've listed in on eBay. Nigel is not convinced. In fact, he's so confident he's said I can have a night out with the girls at the Labour Club if it sells for more than £8 (so get bidding…).

In all seriousness, I would actually prefer a night out with Nigel but it seems unlikely. Since May 2004 (our trip to New York), we've only had ONE night out without kids.

I've been thinking about my resolutions…well specifically, I've been thinking about last year's resolutions. I've done well at spending time with positive people and limiting my exposure to numpties. I have read more challenging books and I've been quite frugal. Alas, I've not been any tidier or patient and I haven't had a lot of Me time but there has at least been some. As for losing a stone and a half - I nearly choked on my Snickers bar reading that one...

So for 2007, I would like to spend more time with Nigel. I want to get a bedtime routine established for the girls. I'd like to lose some weight. I really want to be more patient with the kids. I want to do my first geocache.

I hope to do some travelling during 2007 - when we bought this house we thought would see more of our families but that hasn't happened.

I'm going to be choosier about the projects and people to whom I give my time and energy. Maybe, I'll start being a little bit selfish.

Website of the day: ReadyMade Magazine - my first magazine arrived this morning and I'm loving it.

Friday 29th December

Pink in colour, "White Zinfandel" is, to all intents and purposes, a white wine but it actually derived from a Californian red grape. It achieves its 'blush' through the process of "saignee" where a portion of the red wine is bled after only the briefest contact with the grape skins. It is not a Rosé.

Website of the day: Zinfandel Advocates & Producers

Tuesday 26th December

23rd-26th December has been full of fun and surprises.

On Saturday one of my blog fans revealed themselves (Hi JC!), which was a nice surprise. Come on, I know there's more of you out there - I see the stats.

We thoroughly enjoyed Donna's 40th birthday party. I was so pleased to finally meet Margo. She and her brother Arthur provided the music in the form of the brilliant Limelight Band. I am always intrigued at the way everyone in the 'Pans is linked to someone in someway so it should have been no surprise at all when Nigel's former colleague (DM, from the distant land of Haddington) was there. It turns out we are interwoven into the 'Pans rich tapestry thus: JB used to work with JF who is married to SF who, via rugby, knows DM who is married to JM who is the cousin of DB who issued the party invitation to JB who is married to NB who used to work with DM.

The Pans Mafia puts me in mind of the Kevin Bacon game (where almost any film actor can be linked to Kevin Bacon in 8 steps or less - or in this case, anyone in East Lothian can be linked to Donna B). As per usual, we had to take the girls with us so couldn't stay too long but had a really great night and I was pleased with the girls' behaviour.

On Christmas Eve there was a knock on the door from a neighbour who had kindly brought gifts for the girls and complimented me on my family. For the second time in two days I had reason to feel very proud of my daughters. Although Emily got to sleep quite early, the little two were still running around at midnight, which caused a few, ahem, logistical problems.

Thanks to a combination of blackout curtains, sleep deprivation and the absence of an alarm clock, we didn't wake on Christmas morning until 8.30 a.m. My friends and family had risen to the challenge of selecting ethical/fun/funky/recycled gifts while sticking to a low budget. I had pressies galore! I received: a glue gun; chandelier drops; a Newspaper Bag; a cake stand; mehndi; a rose bath set; a Buddha garden statue; a virtual aromatherapy session (in lieu of a real session given to a patient at St Luke's Hospice); garden candles; A Short History of Tractors in Ukrainian (Marina Lewycka); Real Fast Food (Nigel Slater); Strangeland (Tracy Emin). The Barker Family were given, amongst other things, a wonderful fair trade hamper and swingball.

Unfortunately, Nigel became unwell on Christmas morning so the task of making Christmas dinner was given to me. Given that my "signature dish" is a crisp sandwich, this was no mean feat. Thankfully, Nigel had already prepared the nutloaf so I was able to cobble together the vegetables and wrap bacon round sausages. It was quite nice and, more importantly, Nigel had recovered sufficiently to join us round the table. Thank you everyone for our lovely presents which so much thought had gone into. 2006 was truly a fabulous Christmas (and Nigel earned a zillion brownie points for buying me two gorgeous Per Una tops).

Today was fairly lazy, eating; slobbing about in comfortable clothes; eating; burning all the cardboard in the incinerator; eating; watching E.T.; eating; messaging and eating. Not for us Boxing Day sales (can you believe people camp out overnight to spend money at Next?!). I have really enjoyed my full, fun, frugal festivities.

My clever two year old niece Lauren can say "Reservoir" (which is quite a big word for a little girl). When asked to "say that big word again" she said "tap". Priceless.

Website of the day: Tchibo

Thursday 21st December

Selfish folk, social climbers and show-offs normally depress me greatly but... today I am teflon-coated! I am very much looking forward to spending Christmas with my family. Spending it without them is just unthinkable.

Quote of the day: "Your children need your presence more than your presents." Rev. Jesse Jackson

Wednesday 20th December

It's our 4th wedding anniversary today - what's that? Linen? I dunno. We are not exchanging gifts or going out. Well I'm going out but only to the dentist. I'm seriously considering supplementing my 'real' anniversary with a summer "funniversary".

Friday 15th December

Yesterday's nativity was wonderful. The school had taken the bold step of holding it in the gym hall, rather than the local church and it really paid off. I wouldn't have missed it for the world.

I thought last night's mince pies were pleasantly biscuity but thought the mulled wine could have been better. I'm still reeling from the shock that my blog has fans, like proper fans who aren't related to me or anything and who read this drivel.

Attention blog fans - get in touch and say hello and where you are from - go on!!!!

Wednesday 13th December

Ipoints can be converted to Oxfam gifts. Given a between a "PetPlant" ("a fashionable kit for your phone or key ring"), and a school dinner for an African pupil, well there just isn't a choice is there? According to OxfamUnwrapped, "In pastoralist areas in West Africa, the presence of a functioning canteen is probably the single most important factor in a parent's decision to keep his or her child in school during acute food shortages. Having school meals available often determines whether a child learns to read and write."

I'd already resolved to buy an 'ethical' 40th birthday present and asked a friend whether a goat or a toilet would be best. "I wonder if there is UK version" she mused. Hmmmm. What would the equivalent be? Do we really have poverty in this country? How should poverty be measured? True, the (already wide) gulf between the poorest in the UK and the richest but is getting wider but does that really matter if the poor are getting less poor each year?

Are you poor if you don't have a TV? Pass. I'll take a question on sport. It is such a complicated issue. Freecycle is a great way of passing on your unwanted fridge or sofa but has more "wanted" than "offered" ads (While I'm on the subject, who the hell "needs" a DVD player!!!).

"My daughter went to school in shoes that cost £4.95 and she came back in tears because kids were taunting her." Says a participant at a workshop held by the UK Coalition Against Poverty. That's horrid and no child should be bullied but….she has shoes and an education.

We have a free health service, education, and school dinners for those that need them. We have grants and advice for those wishing to start their own business (rather than being given a goat). We have social exclusion units, policies and departments...but there are still lots of people who don't have the same choices and opportunities many of us take for granted - and they are not going to go away.

I have been determined to keep to a very low budget this Christmas. It is about now that I start to think I need to get a few extra presents. I must hold my nerve. I am saddened by the amount of money wasted at this time of year - especially by people resorting to dodgy forms of credit (Farepak and companies plugged by Carol Vorderman spring to mind).

In Ipswich, women are still taking dreadful risks as they need money for drugs. Amid all the horror of the past few days, one woman is still making money selling herself. A "former" escort (who has a book to plug) says she used to earn £2,500 per week (which paid off her £35,000 debts). She, of course, was a "high class" variety who puts her success down to her great intellect and general poshness. "Street girls don't making anything like that sort of money" she opines (no kidding Einstein?! - you'll be getting Carol Vorderman's job next).

Website of the day: New Policy Institute

Tuesday 12th December

Yesterday at around 09:10hrs, everything was bathed in a yellow light, the world appeared to have stood still for a few seconds and then a rainbow appeared.

Today at the same time I wished I could have battened down the hatches and stayed indoors instead of venturing out into the grey wild winds. At least everyone seemed to enjoy today's party and the raffle and silent auction raised some much needed funds for the Parenting group.

Website of the day: NPW (which is actually a lot cooler than its full name, Natural Products Worldwide, suggests and has brands like Cheeky Chimp, Moleskin and We Live Like This).

Sunday 10th December

We had a really lovely afternoon with our friends in Cockenzie. Thank you Carmel for a truly superb lunch. We braved the winds and rain for the switching on of the lights and the kids came home happy and tired out - bonus!

"...and the We Are Not Worthy Award for Interior Design goes to...Tord Boontje" (whose fantastic designs can be found in Habitat, eBay and Dutch by Design).

Saturday 9th December

Today's trip to the hairdresser confirmed that I am indeed invisible.

Women reach a certain age when they they can no longer seen by people younger than them. Often, they can no longer heard. On the occasions where they are visible, they become "genericwifey" - not a threat, not entitled to opinions and presumably very dull with no feelings whatseover.

Inadvertently switching on my invisibility shield meant I wasn't seen (literally) for 15 minutes after my appointment. When I reappeared my hairdresser asked casually "just a cut and blow dry is it?". As if.

Once my cut (precision assymetric with a couple of long tendrils) has been administered, I devoured the charity shops and waited for a bus home. In the bus shelter two girls (at the age where they think they invented sex) were discussing their friend who had burnt down the school. I had become invisible again.

Website of the day: Babysplat - a brilliant program which produces random sounds and shapes when your baby uses the computer keyboard.

Thursday 7th December

In the absence of anything better to write about (we've all had coughs and colds for days), here are a few links for my freeloading friends (you know who you are!).

Bailley's milk frother

Glass (keyword=sirrus)

T-Shirt

Dance Factory Meshcards (like business cards)

Oil of Olay sample and competition

Nair

Mystery

Tuesday 5th December

in·ter·ro·bang [in-ter-uh-bang] - noun - `
a printed punctuation mark (?), available only in some typefaces, designed to combine the question mark (?) and the exclamation point (!), indicating a mixture of query and interjection, as after a rhetorical question.
Also, interabang.

[Origin: 1965–70, Americanism; interro(gation point) + bang1, printers' slang for an exclamation point]

Monday 4th December

The nursery and infant school bazaar was a lot of fun. Lucy was very excited about meeting Santa but changed her mind at the last moment. There were some lovely things (calendars, jewellery, traybakes, grass heads) to buy which had been made by the children. Our bric-a-brac bargains included a desk lamp, a vegetable chopper, small bags and our goodies from the toy stall included Elefun, a talking doll, spiderman and yet another Barbie.

And then, the raffle was drawn and the first ticket out was mine! I won £50.

The rest of the weekend was pleasant and relaxed. It was just too windy to go anywhere so we stayed in and ordered take-away food.

Friday 1st December

Post birthday note: "Two nerds are just going past" - that was the description of Nigel and me by one teenage girl clone to another. I guess they were just jealous of our matching anoraks. Huge thanks for Laura and Kev for babysitting - sorry it was so earpiercing.

Yesterday, I was very cross with Emily for displaying a dazzling lack of social graces and angry with myself for not having handled the situation better. Her behaviour is a problem at the moment but mine isn't helping.

Apparently, as you get older you should dye your hair a shade or two lighter. Hmmm. I've just gone several shades darker. I feel like me again.

Good luck Uliana with your forthcoming exhibition at The Intoxicating Christmas Show at Gallery 286 from 7th - 31st December and thanks for the invite.

Music Now Playing: Jarvis Cocker - "Don't Let Him Waste Your Time"

Wednesday 29th November

Technically speaking, my birthday began at midnight last night when I began receiving automated Happy Birthday messages. Cue, opening of Hotel Chocolate's "selection of the season" from my mum. Scrumptious.

This morning Nigel presented me with two cards and four parcels which he had gift-wrapped in Grauniads (nice touch).

Parcel one contained two novels: "The Sea" by John Banville; "On Beauty" by Zadie Smith (which is going to kickstart my reading project). Parcel Two contained "ReadyMade", the most fabulously inspirational book I've ever laid eyes on. It is packed full of seriously funky things to make from every day recycled objects. I swear my heart skipped a beat when I saw some of the photos. As if this wasn't already turning into the perfect birthday, Nigel informed me that he has taken out a subscription for me for the magazine of the book! Also in the second package was "99 Ways to Tell a Story" which I'd seen advertised but not taken a peek inside. It looks fun.

Pacrcel Three is the Killer's new CD "Sam's Town". I love the Killers. Last but by no means least was a Whittard's assortment of Chocolate Covered Espresso Beans.

The first delivery of the day was a package containing two trays of cupcakes each bearing the message "Jan, you look fab". A lovely gift, again from my mum via Caketoppers.

As birthday's go, my 37th has been one of the best. And it's not over yet. Thank you lovely people, you know who you are.

Tuesday 28th November

Yesterday, a smell of booze hung in the air which I assume was a byproduct of a Ford's Christmas pudding production line. Today, the farmer in the top field is having a fire and trains passing through the grey smoke sounded their horns. We all smell of woodsmoke.

I've been feeling quite tired and achey today, just like Nigel was yesterday when he had a 'man cold' (like a regular cold but much, much worse...obviously). Alas, I do not have the luxury of staying off work until I feel better.

It is quite delightful that Georgie looks more like Nigel by the minute but the downside of this is when I try to tell her to stop doing something or restore order in some way and it is just like .....best to give an example really...today she swung upside down from the rail that trays go on in the cafe. Trying to tell a shrunken version of your husband to stop behaving like a fruit bat is quite surreal.

I cut my own fringe today - I think I may have invented a new style.

Sshhhh its a secret: 30th November 2006, Paddington Station. At 19.18 hrs dance like you've never danced before.

Monday 27th November

Treat every person with kindness and respect, even those who are rude to you.
Remember that you show compassion to others not because of who they are but because of who you are.

Sunday 26th November

We had a wonderfully relaxed day yesterday. A little too relaxed - we got up too late to go to any of the Christmas bazaars, craft fayrs or coffee mornings on offer locally. We strolled down to the main street and divided into two teams. Emily and I hopped on a bus to Port Seton while the others did a Lidl shop. We regrouped later and watched a film on the sofa, had a celebratory dance after getting the new amp working and generally chilled.

Apart from the journey there and back, which we shared with 10,000 footie fans and festive shoppers, today's trip to Glasgow was alright. it was nice to see Lucy enjoying a little extra attention. I really, really liked Ross Sinclair's "Dead Church" exhibit at GOMA. Bought cheap tat at Townhouse and essentials at Maplins.

Friday 24th November

Had a very productive meeting with Gordon, Baron of Prestoungrange (hereinafter referred to as G-BoP). The "what's on" website is now not going to be launched until January but the fully functioning version will be worth waiting for.

Actually, the meeting with G-BoP was the perfect antedote to the inane banter I've had to endure this week. I know my life can be quite humdrum but other people's conversations (weather/whither or not tae hang waashin oot) makes mine seem positively exhilarating. And I learned about Google Alerts. Thank you Sylvia for the dozen Prestonpans calendars which I've passed to the Infant school. Anne and the team always make the girls welcome and, in turn, the girls really like going to the Goth. In fact Georgie let Stephen help her all the way up the staircase - an honour indeed.

Plug of the day: Prestonpans Infant and Nursery School Christmas Bazaar - Saturday 2nd December (10 - 12.)

Wednesday 22nd November

I've been overwhelmed by people's support for Patchwork (Parent's and Their Children's Health - Work). In the past few days I have received 15 raffle prizes worth over £250. Quick plug for the party at the Mercat Gait on 12th December 10.30 - 12.30 which includes a gift from Santa.

This morning Lucy opened one package which contained a party dress for Georgie. Lucy fell in love with it instantly and it hasn't left her side since. I predict a riot.

Emily came home with a "Confident Happy Children" leaflet packed with tips on promoting positive behaviour.

One common practice of schools in promoting positive behavour is to run Pupil Councils. Now you might think that given free choice, children might choose to eat Mars bars every Wednesday or watch horror movies instead of doing maths but actually, kids are so eager to please authority figures that they choose something worthy like recycling or increasing their fruit intake. This behaviour is so often mirrored in adults with low self-esteem in a similar situation ("Could you tell me more about lagging my pipes?/how evil salt is?").

I can't help thinking that had the leaflet been available 30-odd years ago there would be a lot more "Confident Happy Grown-ups".

Website of the day: Parentzone

Tuesday 21st November

Awake!
B
reakfast! Hope you are hungry.
Can you quickly put your pyjamas away and get dressed?
Don't forget to go the toilet, wash hands & brush teeth.
Empty water bottle
Fill it up with fresh water
Get shoes, bag, coat and anything else you need
Home again, home again, jiggety jig.
It's best to get changed into play clothes straight away
Just hang up your school clothes
Keep your school shoes beside your bed
Lucky you! It's playtime! You get to watch t.v. for 30 minutes.
Maybe you want to play on the computer for 15 minutes.
Now it is time to set the table.
Off with the t.v. thanks.
Pasta, polenta, peas, pancakes, parsnips or pizza - what will be for dinner tonight?
Quickly help to clear the table.
Reading and homework is great fun.
Shower or bath perhaps or watch some soaps?
Time to get ready for bed.
Undressed - remember if you want to wear your play clothes tomorrow, put them away neatly. Put dirty clothes in the washing. Don't get mixed up!
Very important - toilet, hands & teeth!
Which book would you like to read tonight?
X - kiss goodnight. We love you.
You can read to yourself for a while.
Zzzzz. Sleepy time.

Monday 20th November

After a very pleasant Sunday I am having a bit of a lazy day today. It was lovely to have a full house and especially to see the girls playing so well together. Interestingly the female/male ratio was 11:3.

My new VIMLE sofa covers have arrived. One in orange/red and one with green flowers - They are a fantastic fit for the Klippan and very funky.

My husband has declared he would like Dexion-type shelving for has Christmas. That's saaaad. A package arrived for him the other day marked "Fondle With Care" which, naturally I assumed was something lovely for my birthday. Wrong - it was yet another bit of geek-ware. But he does make an exceedingly good Sunday lunch.

Website of the day: Vanilla Mobile

Saturday 18th November

Gossipmongering and pettiness are certain indicators of low intelligence and/or insecurity. Molly Sugden's Bridesmaid continues to bitch her way further down the food chain - it can only be a matter of time before she ends up whinging to primordial soup.

I must let such Omega Female behaviour wash over me - I had the worst migraine on Friday afternoon.

Today, Carmel arrived with my order from Pampered Chef (or "Middle Class Chef" as Alpha Female Donna calls them). I love my new apple wedger.

Great Big Pat on the Back Award to: Emily - Well done Emily for passing your Grade A reading test.

Thursday 16th November

13:15 The Radio Cafe
"Janice Forsyth with the latest cultural news from home and abroad, covering film, fashion, books and theatre...and Nigel Barker."

Nigel is on Radio Scotland's Radio Cafe programme today between 1315 and 1400 (repeated 1915 - 1800) 92-95 fm or 810 mw.

Wednesday 15th November

My family make me laugh. For all sorts of reasons.

Lucy : She is acting out being grumpy just now and almost every request is met with a sulky "nooooo". I told her to wipe her feet on the way in the house to which she responded "NO . No wye fee Mummy." then edged her way around the porch walking on the sides of he shoes and with a big stretch crossed the threshold managing to avoid the doormat. She also loves to egg on Georgie...

...Georgie: Her rendition of the theme tune to Eastenders is enough to make me consider buying tenalady pants. She waddles around penguin-style with a permanent grin - and she is like a shrunken down version of Nigel...

...Nigel: He will read anything. Quite literally. He will read sweetie wrappers, cans of deodorant, all of the production details at the end of a TV programme. He also replies to most things in song lyrics. This really annoys Emily...

...Emily: I adore her view of the world in general; our frank exchange of views "No mummy, you're wrong - it isn't interesting at all") and the everyday things that make her laugh. Today she pointed to our newly delivered sofa giggling at the "Sold. Barker" sticker. "That's us, the Barkers" she announced proudly.

I love being us Barkers.

Monday 13th November

After my first meeting as Chairman, we have one less office bearer who cited the reason for her departure as "cliquiness". If this really is the reason then it is worrying as I have tried so hard to get people mixing and introducing group members to one another. It is of course entirely possible that there are other reasons but right now I don't have the mental reserves to think about it.

Nice neighbour told me in code that Emily's bike had been delivered to her house and we went to elaborate lengths to get it in the garage under cover of darkness.

Website of the day: Yellow Moon - very reasonably priced gifts and, if you quote the source code SPA10834, Patchwork EH32 will get some commission.

Sunday 12th November

It's been a lovely couple of days with the arrival of a) our new nieces into the world and b) our Best Man Christopher into Barker Towers.

We were so excited when the news came that Julie and Brad's twins were girls and the moment I saw their photographs my tummy went all flippety. Later this evening I saw them via webcam and they were just so beautiful. I can't wait till I see them in person.

Christopher was great company and we had fun showing him the delights of Prestonpans (Burns Yard and the Labour Club) and hope to see him again before too long.

Thanks to Anne or sending me this nice tale.

Friday 10th November

Hannah & Hollie - we love you!!!

Tuesday 7th November

Right. Time to catch up with my many readers (good morning mum and Rachel).

We've been outwitted by a mouse. He manages to take the bait from the humane trap without getting caught. I'm not particular bothered by it - I just add the mouse's dinner to the shopping list (note to self: he doesn't like own brand chocolate, try Cadbury's next time). Nigel, on the other hand is all set to buy a real trap.

Lucy is speaking a bit clearer now but we are all puzzled as to what "Hareboy" might mean. Emily has lost her front tooth and is very proud of the wee gap. Georgie is forever falling over.

What else? The run up to the comic fair was a bit fraught with the website going down then our email not working. We weren't listed in some of the magazines would had expected to be. But all, in all, Prestonpandemonium II went well. Quality rather than quantity. Alan Grant was every bit as nice as everyone says. There were a few familiar faces and some new ones. The Glas Vegas crowd continue to offer much appreciated support and encouragement. I can't wait to hear Nigel's interview on Radio Scotland!

It was nice to talk to Ian Rankin. The two writers hadn't actually met before so if in the future there is a Grant/Rankin collaboration, then Prestonpandemonium will have been the catalyst.

Of course, being an events co-ordinator/arts impresario ain't NOTHING compared with the headache the mums + toddlers group is giving me. The latest complaint involves the same person being lumbered with setting up the weekly meetings. So, I took 4½ minutes out of my busy schedule to take chairs off tables. I bet Richard DebloodyMarco doesn't get this grief. Fortunately met Shona for a much needed re-energising hug on the way back.

Now PII is over, next priorities are: get plumbing fixed; clean, clean, clean; catch up on emails; find out why cordless telephones aren't working; catch mice; Christmas shopping; update website; Patchwork stuff; launch of what2doineh32.info website; Make something to sell at the Craft Fair; clear up of Cuthill park; start to plan PIII; any other duties as directed by my Line Manager.

Thursday 2nd November

Children like, committees involve a lot of hard work, and you might not see the results of your efforts for years to come.

Children can sometimes commit acts of atrocity and hold you to ransom (a bit like the mafia). Committees can often seem like some impenetrable inner sanctum until you realise they comprise regular people (just like the mafia, minus the sharp suits).

Lucy threw her cornflakes on the carpet this morning. This afternoon she headbutted Georgina (I kid you not) and then drew with felt pens on her face (her own face that is, not Georgina's).

I'm trying to encourage some inexperienced committee members to step up a bit while trying to reassure them that they are not walking into a lion's den and they will be supported.

Another group struggling to find its feet is Cacophony UK shortly to be renamed Whisper UK it's so deadly quiet.

Just got a phone call from the school forewarning me that Emily will have a bump on her head and might be a little sorry for herself (how would I know the difference from usual?).

We now have a working televisin again after a week without but I'm keeping it switched off until there is something worth watching, like the Sopranos - I've enough agita.

Website of the Day: East Links Family Park

Wednesday 1st November

Today isn't going well. Nothing particularly bad or important just annoying e.g.

CD shelf collapsed leaving CDs strewn everywhere - perfect for Georgie to take out of their cases.
Removing last night's halloween decorations took ages. I will never put spider's web stuff on the front hedge again!
Ever-increasing number of unsatisfactory ebay transactions.
Georgie switching the pc off while I was in the middle of typing a lengthy email.
Coven of witches in the playground this morning.
Prestonpandemonium website is down more often than up.

Fortunately, my sister has started a blog which I'm enjoying very much.

Tuesday 31st October

Happy Halloween (or Mother-in-Law's Birthday as I like to think of it).

At today's parent's group party we had a quiz to get know each other better. We now know that that one committee member blames Damien Hirst for getting kicked out of air cadets and another once played a character called "Viagra" in an amateur dramatic production.

Clearing up after the I found a pen. I held it up and asked "who does this belong to?" Silence. I look at the pen. It is marked "Pfizer - www.erectionadvice.co.uk". "I'll have it." says "Viagra".

Website of the day: Postal Museum Collection

Sunday 29th October

Today was a day of the wrong people, wrong time, wrong places.

In LIDL a middle-aged woman was effing and blinding at a couple who were claiming innocence of the charge of being "a grass". This continued at the checkout. By the time we left the store they were all friends parting with a cheery "well, I'm glad I bumped into you".

There were rich pickings to be had at Sam Burns Yard - at least for the Green Welly Brigade. There were loads of church pews today but nothing for me.

We got our first guisers at the door. I didn't want to answer the door but Nigel answered and gave them sweets. They didn't bother to hide their disappointment.

As the washing went round I could see a plastic magnet letter 'p' (or 'd' ) going round and round that definately shouldn't have been in there.

Nigel has updated his blog!

Saturday 28th October

I must have gone to bed with a Strepsil in my mouth. This morning I feel like the inside of my cheek has dissolved. Still no voice.

N.B. N.B. I might just leave my glasses prescription lying around.

Friday 27th October

The Halloween Party was a victim of its own success - the event was oversubscribed, the eventees were over-excited and the CD kept jumping. 100 children screaming "Hubble Bubble Toil & Trouble" is VERY loud. I'm sure they had fun. I couldn't quite fathom out what was in it for the several "Elvira, Mistress of the Darks" mum who came along fully dressed up but didn't join in at all. They would have been better off sloping off with the other parents who muttered darkly about "cupboards needing sorting". I certainly don't blame them for wanting an hour and half to themselves.

Alas, the thing I most want to do at the moment would take a bit longer than 90 minutes and more organisation than the party - I would really like to see the China Power Station: Part 1 exhibition at Battersea. OK. Those of you who know me will know that what I really want to see is inside Battersea Power Station. It will probably be the last chance to look inside the crumbling monster legally. My heart is beating faster just thinking about Battersea...or Cane Hill...or Thorpe Marsh.

I doubt there can be many urbexers who have actually got done any indepth exploring. Security, especially around the two control rooms is notoriously strict and the height factor alone would be enough to rule out most mortals. Some manage however. Take a look here.

Thought for the day: Does it say more about my husband's poor observational skills or my bonkers dress sense that he never noticed I was actually wearing a witches costume (black dress, purple/black striped tights, torn pieces of fabric draped around my person)???

Website of the day: 28 days later

Thursday 26th October

There is a photograph of Emily and a pal in the local paper accompanying an article about the successful coffee morning. She is now completely nonchalant about her weekly claims to fame saying "oh...it's black and white" when I showed her the photo.

I couldn't wait one minute to get my hair done so persuaded the local hairdresser to cut my fringe until she can fit me in for a proper 'do. With my overgrown side bits and my newly straight fringe, I've got a kinda hime cut thing going on.

It is soooooooo windy today.

Wednesday 25th October

I've almost completely lost my voice. It didn't help that today was packed with meetings. I had to leave the Maths Workshop at school early because Lucy was being so silly. The headteacher was sympathetic and suggested she might be tired. The moment we got out of the meeting my tired and grumpy little daughter skipped up the road.

She managed to behave a little better for meeting #2 in the Goth but she was in the presence of her friend "Bitey Cat's Mum" (a.k.a. Annemarie) and a plate of biscuits.

I was back at school again this evening for meeting #3, the PTA, which I discovered is open to all interested parties, not just parents and teachers.

Website of the day: Prestonpans Infant and Nursery School

Tuesday 24th October

I'm not saying I was glad to get Emily back to school or anything but she was the first one in the playground this morning.

When we collected her at the end of the day, Georgie tripped and hurt her head. The extra attention being heaped on Georgie did not go down well with Emily whose mood hadn't improved in the six hours since I dropped her off. "Do you have any notes for me?" I asked. "Only one about games morning but I nearly told Miss Swaney not to bother giving me the note because my mother never goes to games mornings" Cutting.

Thanks Ceinwyn for introducing me to Instant Messaging and thanks Rachel for helping me with my first message.

Indulged in some ebaying. New undies and a rosemary plant are winging their way to me.

Happy United Nations Day

Monday 23rd October

I find it hard to imagine picking up a pencil and producing anything other than a shopping list. The most creative thing I do with a brush is apply blusher. I can't even carve a slice of bread straight.

I am genuinely in awe of people who can create things with their hands. When we visited the Mueck exhibition what really caught my attention was "National Galleries of Scotland' carved into the stone where we ate our lunch al fresco. This stunning piece of lettering was produced by local craftsman Gardner Molloy.

Tonight, when the kids are in bed, my hands will be at work opening a box of chocolates which arrived from my mum (thank you mum for a lovely surprise).

Sunday 22nd October

It's been a rubbish half-term break. All my plans to do fun craft things have gone awry with most us being poorly.

I really needed a night on Thursday and paid my first visit to the Labour Club (very nice and more spacious than I realised). As is always the case on the increasingly rare occasions I escape, I blethered and drank to excess. The next day I had to nurse both my sore head and my children. Why does one night out equate to one week's worth of guilt?

On Saturday we celebrated Diwali with a feast Nigel had prepared and loads of candles. We took it easy today pottering around the Monkey Loft and the garden and had a bonfire. I can't believe how sunshiny and warm it has been today.

I need r&r.

Wednesday 18th October

One of the spam emails in my inbox reads "Be like a normal MAN". There is so much wrong with that sentence.

Despite the fact the house is like a midden, I can't quite summon up the energy to do much today. I think I may be getting a cold.

Website of the day: Witches, a true story - Please take a minute to hear about 81 women and men who were accused of being witches in Prestonpans in the late 16th century.

Tuesday 17th October

Thank you to the Lothian & Borders Fire & Rescue Service Community Safety Officer who delivered Oor Wullie and The Broons Fire Safety booklets for the Kids' Corner at Prestonpandemonium. He arrived just as Fireman Sam was starting on CBeebies.

Get your free smoke alarm and home safety check by calling 0800 169 0320.

"Remember the Fire and Rescue Service motto: "GET OUT - STAY OUT- GET US OUT".

Website of the day:Lothian and Borders ALERT

Monday 16th October

The company we rent DVDs from has been taken over (again) and their recommendations are, at best, puzzling and at times downright nonsensical. For instance, they recommend we rent "Terminator" on the basis that we rented "Terminator 3" - duh!

"OldBoy" sounds horrid (A man is inexplicably kidnapped and imprisoned for 15 years and his wife is brutally murdered.) and I have no interest in "The Last Samurai" but both were offered up on the basis that we rented "Batman Begins". Inexplicably, "Leon" (A murder on the streets of New York leads to a deadly game of cat and mouse while an orphaned twelve-year-old girl becomes caught in the middle...) is recommended because we hired " Bram Stoker's Dracula". Go figure.

Website of the day: Elizabeth Kerner

Sunday 15th October

"The Forest is a volunteer run, not-for-profit arts and events space masquerading as a groovy veggie café in the heart of Edinburgh." says the blurb on its website. Exactly the type of place I dream of running in Prestonpans…and precisely the type of place I'm a terrified of going into in case they discover I'm just a big bluffer and not cool or in the least bit artistic.

Today, lured in by a display of leaflets, I nearly turned on my heels and fled when I saw how achingly boho it was. The noticeboard had a car-pooling log and flower-shaped flatshare ads with contact phone numbers written on the surrounding 'petals'. There was a "free shop" corner where visitors were encouraged to take what they 'needed'.

I plucked up enough courage to look in the TotalKunst gallery which was exhibiting "Show Face" by Russell Dempster. Brilliant stuff which buoyed me to venture inwards.

My newly-acquired Harvey Nicks carrier bag seemed to glow in the dimly lit café making me feel even more self-conscious. I couldn't see a menu but spotted a sign indicating today's special was "Vegetable Cashew Curry with Rice". The reaction from the person serving was as if I had asked for Fried Hedgehog with a side order of Lesbians. She raised her eyebrows, cocked her head to the side and said "Sorry?" Realising this was a fight or flight moment I put on my psychological boxing gloves, cloth cap (and a strange Yorkshire accent) and said "Is tha no what is says on thon yonder notice?" (or summat) to which came the response "I'm sure it is. I'll bring it over".

Fortunately, I was spared the embarrassment of having to commune with strangers and found myself alone at a table for six. I immediately found my notebook incredibly fascinating and resolved to stare at it intensely until my curry arrived. My £3.50 curry arrived on a plate which had probably been a satellite dish in a previous carnation. It was just as well it was tasty because the Forest Café didn't seem to the type of place to welcome leftovers. I used the time to survey the café and its inhabitants: a lone girl on a cushion using a laptop; five posh English students with huge pieces of driftwood; a couple of people reading books; an intense couple…a young guy walked over to my table and asked if he could sit down. At last, a regular person I thought…just as he lay his head on the table and went to sleep.

The café itself has a small stage and piano in a corner. There is an array of different furniture, much of it heavily decorated as are the walls and the supporting pillars. And the hippy-type lampshades make it really quite dim. A door lead off, possibly to loos or maybe the darkroom. Or maybe the café was the darkroom. It was confused in a wonderfully flung together sort of way.

If the former Coeval building becomes the "artshole" of Prestonpans, it would do well to model itself on The Forest (less the attitude).

Website of the day: Tom Ewing

Saturday 14th October

The coffee morning went very well. I was on the bric a brac stall with Sarah and Madge. The time flew by and we raised approx £570. I found it quite tricky to price items, especially the ones that were clearly "BNWOT". One such item was a set of pans. The box read "original price: £89.99. Now: £39.99". "Ten pounds?" I suggested. The customer,reasonably enough, asked to see the pans so I opened the box only to discover it contained a clock and a vase.

It was nice to bump into Bobby who told me about Music in Hospitals, a charity which he and his family are supporting in memory of his dad.

Friday 13th October

I was at the Town Hall with the rest of the Prestonlinks Woodlands Group setting up for tomorrow's coffee morning. Gillian and I were discussing how difficult it was to find out when events were happening and what a good thing it would be to have a "What's On" website (which is coming soon).

G: I tried Googling "Port Seton fireworks display" and ended up finding details of a swingers club!
J: Eeuurgh. In Port Seton? Did you know them?
At this point Rosemary joins the conversation:
R: Have you been watching Autumnwatch?
J: Bill Oddie's never a swinger! Is he?!
R: (looking confused/horrified) I'm not talking about that. They mentioned grants you can get for equipment and things for group like ours.

Thursday 12th October

Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am in a thousand winds that blow,
I am the softly falling snow.
I am the gentle showers of rain,
I am the fields of ripening grain.
I am in the morning hush,
I am in the graceful rush
Of beautiful birds in circling flight,
I am the starshine of the night.
I am in the flowers that bloom,
I am in a quiet room.
I am in the birds that sing,
I am in each lovely thing.
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there. I did not die.

Wednesday 11th October

Busy busy busy. Loved the Mueck exhibition on Sunday. Unfortunately Lucy was sick on the bus coming home. I hate travelling by bus. Loved the birdsong this morning.

I had to laugh at Chris Lamb's blog mentioning finding a previously undiscovered centre stand on his motorbike. It reminded me of a former colleague (where are you now Alison Maillou?) who moaned that she couldn't find a landscape picture frame anywhere - "they're all portrait". It was pointed out that simply turning the photo frame 90 degrees would achieve her aim. Proof that even highly intelligent creatures can be daft sometimes.

Good news: No spam this morning. Bad news: no mail at all this morning.

N.B.N.B.: Kiran Desai (35) is the youngest ever woman to win the Man Booker Prize (for "The Inheritance of Loss").

Tuesday 10th October

Attention Nigel. From this date forward, hints for suitable birthday presents will appear now and again e.g.

N.B.N.B.: Hotel Chocolat

Friday 6th October

Donna and Julie were the perfect people to run into this morning. I was at the end of my tether after a morning of tantrums and as mums of three they empathised. We all agreed that three kids is way more difficult than two.

The Harvest Festival was pleasant, if a little austere. I was scared Lucy and/or Georgie would be noisy but Georgie was completely mesmorised by a tiny baby sitting next to us and Lucy just pretended to read the order of service sheet. Later, it was "Golden Time" for parents and I had a lovely hand massage. We are very lucky to have such a progressive school.

Travelling Camera "Vigeland" has returned home! (Thank you Graham Creaton).

Thursday 5th October

Get a free reply from Santa if you write to him at Santa, Reindeerland, SAN TA1, (with a stamp) before 13th December (Thanks mum for this info).

Today is National Poetry Day (Thanks Emily for this info). This year's theme is "Identity". As soon as I get a "round tuit" I'll update my poetry pages with the two poems Emily brought home from school. I can't quite get ma heid around Scots language but I like the poems all the same.

Wednesday 4th October

Emily brought home her ticket to the halloween party. Not the one I designed, printed, cut out and numbered x 92 but the school secretary's version. What a bloody waste of time, effort and resources.

Tuesday 3rd October

Reasons I like Prestonpans #74: Walls with oyster shells mixed in with the boulders.

Monday 2nd October

A major plug for the NHS Minor Ailment Service (which saved me £££ today):

"Everyone can go to their pharmacist for advice or to buy a medicine for a minor illness or ailment. But this is a new NHS service for people, including children, who don't pay prescription charges. It means that if your pharmacist thinks you need it then they can give you a medicine on the NHS without you having to pay for it. It will also save you making an appointment with your GP simply to get a prescription." What a sensible idea.

September photographs have been published here.

Sunday 1st October

I saw it at breakfast time. I was suprised at how fast it moved. I had never seen one before, well not in real life. I have often wondered how people cope in this situation and whether I would run from the room screaming in horror. And now there was one right here in my dining room, next to me - on Lucy's head. A head louse.

It wasn't scary or repulsive. I just got on with it and checked everyone's head. Sure enough, Emily, Lucy and I all had head lice. We spent the next few hours shampooing, combing and rinsing. Carmel, Andrew and their two smashing kids arrived with wine, chocolates... and nit lotion.

Nigel made a fab bean crumble with sausages, stuffing, yorkshire pudding, parsnips and potatoes after which we all trundled down to the open day of the new Pennypit. Mr Boom was very entertaining and the kids were happy with their goody bags and craftmaking. The new building looks really super actually. And of course we bumped into all the usual suspect.

For a day that started off quite alarmingly it was surprisingly pleasant. I just hope the headlice are easier to get rid of than the mice.

Friday 29th September

Marathons have been run in quicker time than it takes Georgie to walk to the postbox. It isn't so much her lack of speed or even her wobblyness that is the problem- it's her curiosity. She gets distracted by leaves, rubbish, dog poo etc and insists on crawling back to have a second, closer look. Whenever a bus passes us she cranes her head back to see it behind us. This invariably results in her falling over.

My plastic bottle chandelier is now hanging from a light fitting in the kitchen. When Emily came home from school she gasped "Oh mummy, it's absolutely beautiful!" Who would have thought the contents of my recycling crate held together with carpet tape and pieces of string could bring so much joy.

Website of the day: Carol Melrose

Thursday 28th September

I passed Emily's school playground on the way to the dentist and it was so nice to see her playing with her friends. She is a bit of star at the moment because her beach clear photo appears in the local paper.

Root canal treatment wasn't as bad as I feared but I still came out of the surgery a bit wobbly. Still got another 125 minutes of treatment to go.

I decided it would be quicker to join the co-op again than change the details on my old account. I may only own one £1 share but I appear to be in good company - check out the choice of titles: Miss, Mr, Mrs, Admiral, Archbishop, Attorney General, Baron, Baroness, Bishop, Brigadier, Brother, Canon, Captain, Cardinal, Chief, Chief Warrant Officer, Colonel, Commander, Corporal, Councillor, Count, Countess, Dame, Dr, Duchess, Duke, Earl, Father, Flight Lieutenant, General, Group Captain, Honorable, Justice, Lady, Laird, Lieutenant, Lieutenant Colonel, Lieutenant Commander, Lord, Madam, Master Sergeant, Monsigneur, Pastor, Prebendary(?!?), Private, Professor, Rabbi, Reverend, Right Honorable, Sergeant, Sir, Sister, Squadron Leader, Staff Sergeant, Very Reverend, Viscount, Viscountess, Warrant Officer, Wing Commander

Wednesday 27th September

Just back from an extraordinarily productive PTA meeting.

Thank you Mo for the truly scrumptious fablet (tablet? fudge?).

Any ideas on how to make a small, child-size tree gratefully received. Not a palm tree though, it has to have branches.

Tuesday 26th September

The Patchwork EH32 Open Day went okay. It was well attended but people didn't really mingle and the high health care professionals:health users ratio can be quite daunting. I sincerely hope the group takes off and doesn't get monopolised by overbearing types with their own agenda. Hopefully, the casual drop-in nature of the club will prevent it from becoming yet another clique.

Stephen Fry's documentary on his bipolarity made uncomfortable viewing tonight. Much more comfortable is Reggie the Herbal (Gerbil? Hamster?) who is very happy with his new cage - a car booty find at the weekend. He is running around and rearranging his house.

Website of the day: See Me

Monday 25th September

I can't help thinking about the baby killed by rottweillers in Leicester. This morning I felt very uneasy in the school playground when a child was in sole charge of an excitable alsation.

Sunday 24th September

I remember seeing a Met recruitment poster on underground many years ago with a picture of a white police officer chasing after a black man. It had the headline "Another case of police prejudice...Or yours?". The poster went on to explain that both men were police officers, one undercover, and both chasing a suspect out of view.

Today, occupants of passing cars were horrified at me slinging bottles over a fence. No doubt they thought I was a complete yob. In actual fact, I was picking up discarded empties after today's half marathon and throwing them over my fence where our recycling crate is located. The runners must have been absolutely drenched. I know we were after being out in the rain for hardly any time.

Website of the day: The Battle of Prestonpans (1745) Heritage Society. Please register your interest now. It is a national disgrace that there isn't a permanent visitor centre or even a half-decent exhibition.

Friday 22nd September

Amidst all the uncertainty of the last ten days I didn't feel like publishing my thoughts, pearls of wisdom or sparkling wit. I've been enjoying having Nigel at home - I would have hated it if he had to work away. But now…Nigel is once more in gainful employment and abnormal service has been resumed.

Had I not been so preoccupied I would have mentioned Talk Like a Pirate Day, the sighting of a very tame robin in the garden and the irony of International Day of Peace occurring on the same date as the Battle of Prestonpans.

I would have raved about the beauty of my latest niece; wished Laura & Kev good luck in their new home and thanked the beach clean volunteers.

As it is I will just say thanks to Heather for "The Bad Mother's Handbook" and to whoever for our our continued good fortune, health and happiness.

Tuesday 12th September

Had a quite exhilarating weekend. On Saturday, as NASA was launching a rocket, we were launching a solar airship from the hill beside the power station. We spent much of Sunday in the garden.

In the wee small hours of Monday morning, one of the girls awoke and went I returned to my bed I heard a clanking, mechanical noise from outside. Beside the railway line were the brightest white lights I have ever seen. The regular, clanking sound coincided with a locomotive of some description being moved ever so slowly eastward.

Despite my lack of sleep, yesterday was quite relaxed. Georgie settled down in the creche today much quicker than previously but I could have used my time more effectively at home this morning. Lucy is beside herself with excitement upon discovering a digger at work in a neighbour's garden.

Friday 8th September

I felt quite uplifted that Honey's baby in Eastenders has Down's Syndrome. It will be a unique opportunity to show what a positive contribution people with Down's can make. Billy and Honey are mourning the child that wasn't delivered (the perfect one), but in time, baby Janet will become a character rather than a storyline - and that can only be a positive thing.

Not every BBC production meets my approval though. What on earth is the point of "Me Too" a new programme on CBeebies. It's main character is irritatingly jolly childminder whom every calls "Granny Murray". Everything is too wacky and contrived and I've seen better delivery of lines at school assembly. Why is it that jolly people always wear multicoloured clothes? I wear bright stripy clothes a lot and I'm a miserable git.

Thursday 7th September

Georgie has a cold. Both she and Lucy were awake most of the night and I am very tired today.

Georgie's mucous-encrusted face makes her look quite reptilian. She has been packing away food all day. When she was tucking in to her second banana of the day it was hard to see where the snot began and and the banana ended. She continues to say "HiyaHiyaHiyaHiya" all day long and reminds me of those guys that play the pan pipes in Buchanan Street.

Wednesday 6th September

A productive day. I fixed a date for a book club meeting. I enlisted my MP's help regarding the Farcical Tax Credit Office. I traded Annemarie some plums for tomatoes - I could really get into a barter system. Annemarie confirmed the green plums are greengages which led me to discover an interesting recipe for greengage dumplings.

In the morning, Georgie terrorised Lucy with a flyswat. Lucy retaliated in the afternoon by not letting Georgie out of the kitchen; then sitting on a cushion with Georgie underneath it; and snatching Georgie's dummy from her mouth and refusing to return it.

Website of the day: They Work For You

Tuesday 5th September

Molly Sugden's Bridesmaid continues to interrupt complete stranger's conversations with her many boasts and unlikely 'connections': "You're climbing Everest at the weekend? Sherpa Tensing was married to my cousin's next-door neighbour". Okay, I made that up but you get the idea.

It was nice to bump into Julie on the way home for some much-needed intelligent, non-cliquetarian banter.

I've started a new group for folk in the EH32 to keep one another informed of what's on. There will be a diary and a place to include links and photos. You can choose to receive individual emails, digests or simply read message on the website. You can unsubscribe at any time. Go on, sign up via the button below or visit the website http://groups.yahoo.com/group/EH32/

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Happy Birthday Mum.

Monday 4th September

Good morning everyone! August photos have been published here and I've updated the diary here. Nigel has gone all 21st century and got himself a proper blog. My sister has finally got herself an email address. Whatever next? Me getting a mobile phone?!

Georgie now wants to press the 'green man' button every time we pass a pedestrian crossing. Not quite so cute is her latest thing. She gets a CD waddles to us and says "They Yaaar!". Waddles back and repeats this all day long.

Sunday 3rd September

I tried to give blood for the first time since 1994 but my haemoglobin levels weren't sufficiently high enough. This was disappointing but turned out to be just as well as Nigel became quite poorly after his donation.

Saturday 2nd September
 http://www.GlitterMaker.com/ - Glitter Graphics

Friday 1st September

Frugal month begins...

Thursday 31st August

I was really fed up with the kids last night who took ages to settle down. So, it was with extra vigour that I beat eggs and creamed butter to make a plum and walnut tart. I was in such a tizzy though that I neglected to follow the instructions and tipped the pastry ingredients straight in the mixture. I shoved it in the oven anyway thinking we could always have it with custard (which should be my catchphrase).

I thought Lucy said "delicious". I now think she was actually saying "this not cake mummy".

Lucy makes me laugh. She seems to think we all wear nappies. When Nigel said he was going to the loo, she handed him a nappy. It's not just Lucy who has some funny ideas.

"If you are staying in a hotel and there is a fire, you shouldn't go in the lift" Emily solemnly informed us yesterday. "You should slide down the pole" she went on.
"Or the stairs?" I suggested helpfully. "I've never stayed in a hotel that has a pole, have you Nigel?" He thinks for a moment before answering. "Erm, I don't think so." I give him a look that says "we will return to this subject later".

I'm still getting over the bombshell that Amazonian snails aren't Shetland pony-sized creatures you can sit on and ride around the garden.

Wednesday 30th August

I suspect that part of the reason I chose "Cloud Atlas" was its pretty, retro, two-speed cover. I saw another attractive dustjacket yesterday which featured a very clever ambigram (ie reads the same upside down). The book in question was "Justin Thyme" by Panama Oxridge - the first book in the “Tartan of Thyme” series. It features a Scottish Laird, an American TV celebrity cryptozoologist, a omputer-literate gorilla, the Loch Ness Monster, and Justin, a teenage billionaire genius who converts a vintage motorbike into a time machine.

The official web site features an interactive clue trail leading to hidden pages. There is currently a competition to win a signed bookplate. I wish I knew some older kids to buy it for.

Tuesday 29th August

Enjoyed a cuppa at Annemarie's house on my way back from the Parents/Under 5s meeting thingy. I'm awash with paper at the moment, Marine Conservation, Tax Credits, Subscription reminders - I really need to clear the desk but am just soooo tired. It amazes me how people assume because you have kids you must have a shortage of things to do.

Plug of the Day: Patchwork open day - Tuesday 26th September 10.30 - 12.30, Mercat Gait Centre, Preston Road, Prestonpans. Includes story-telling, information stalls, mini facials, snacks & refreshments.

Saturday 26th August

There was a silver band (Newtongrange?) playing in the High Street as I made my way along to the hairdressers.

My new 'do feels a lot lighter and it is a good cut but I'm still getting used to the blonde streaks.

Emily has invented a very complicated version of snap which only she can understand. Briefly, it involves different combinations of our initials and ages written on scraps of paper. "NJ3?" I would say hopefully. "No. I win again…look, NE6". This went on for quite some time.

Friday 25th August

Bush DD8407PPB Cylinder Bagless is a 1400W red/silver sledge-shaped cyclonic cleaner. This quiet machine has a six stage filtration process. Other features include:
· Auto-cord rewind.
· 5m power cord.
· Adjustable telescopic extension tubes.
· On board tools (Floor brush, turbo brush, small brush, upholstery brush & crevice tool)
· Spare HEPA and anti-odour filters
· Easy to empty
· Suction control

It is an extremely lightweight, well-designed model offering excellent value for money. ( £34.99)

Thursday 24th August

It has been interesting to watch Lucy and Georgie play together when Emily has been at school. The group dynamics are very different and they both vie for my attention. One minute they are best friends, next they are fighting. I've lost count of the times I've had to intervene as they both cling to a toy shouting "My".

I was very relieved that they settled down at the creche on Tuesday. It is such a lovely room and the staff are very patient. I really felt it was a step closer to me getting a bit more freedom.

Free samples of washing powder were delivered yesterday and then Nigel arrived home with a free sample of coffee that was handed out at Waverley. I love free stuff.

Website of the day: The Cacophony Society

Monday 21st August

It was a big day for Emily who returned to school today. I reckon her new teacher is closer in age to her pupils than their parents.

It is also a big day for the Royal Mail who today began pricing post by size as well as weight. I recently placed an online order with them for stamps. My order was sent in two parts and I had been charged £4.10 for p&p which should have been free. I complained. They phoned me today to ask if they could send me some stamps. Now that's what I call a first class service.

I've had cause to complain about goods & services three times in as many weeks. I don't think I'm turning into Victor Meldrew but I am getting a bit more assertive where money is involved. Delmonte re. mould in Fruitini=£3 postal order and 6x50p Del Monte vouchers. Co-op re. spider in cucumber wrapping = £5 co-op voucher.

On the subject of shrink-wrapped food, I've updated my drabbles.

Plug of the day: '...and other stories' exhibition of comic art - Andrew Duncan Clinic, Royal Edinburgh Hospital, Morningside Terrace, Edinburgh, EH10 5HF. Tel:: 0131 537 6000. (every day until 29th September)

Sunday 20th August

Friday's civic reception for the end of the Global Murals Conference was pleasant but I was terrified Lucy was going to start screaming during the Lord Lieutenant's speech so we quickly made our getaway when the formal part began. Used the time to finish reading 'Catcher in the Rye'. Y'know, I think I went out with that guy.

On Saturday I had a rare solo excursion to Musselburgh in the hope of picking up some vintage items, wallpaper, knitting patterns, newspapers etc with which to decoupage one of the many mannequins that arrived on Friday. As always happens when I have plenty of time and no children distracting me...I couldn't see anything. Although I did buy 'Trains in Trouble Vol 2' which contains a picture of a derailment at Prestonpans in 1980 caused by vandalism.

Two men were giving away bags of LIDL food so I came home laden with potato chips, chocolate biscuits, sweets and juice.

Returning to the Pans on the bus, I was greeted by the new totem pole which looks brilliant. The Goth car park was full and there was a real buzz around the High Street.

Watched Shooting Dogs which was basically a slicker version of Hotel Rwanda. You can see a list of all the films we have watched and the books I have read recently here.

Website of the day: One Neck Hates You

Thursday 17th August

Three very different news items caught my attention today.

The first story was the finding of a diary documenting the last days of James Young Simpson in a Shelter bookshop. The idea of finding personal papers in a charity shop is sooo appealing and I've always been interested in the father of modern obstetrics ("excuse me, does this napkin smell like chloroform to you?").

The second story was that there were fewer midges around in the heatwave. This left me wondering what on earth caused the bites all over my body this summer. I have been bitten all over my torso and on the back of my legs.

Lastly, I read that an arrest had been made in the Jonbenet Ramsey case. 10 years on, children are still being dressed up like beauty queens. Recently, someone showed me professionally taken photographs of their three (American) grandchildren. Each child was posing in spangly precocious garb and had expertly applied make-up. The youngest child was wearing long evening gloves and fishnet tights with a fringed dress - she was about 4 or 5.

This is so far removed from the real 'dressing up' when children, left to their own devices, traipse around in adult sized clothes, attempt to walk in high heels and your best lipstick gets squished.

Wednesday 16th August

When it comes to forums & messages boards, I'm a lurker rather than a participator. Unsurprisingly forums (or fora if you is classically educated) and message boards to do with shared interests (I'm thinking in particular of books, parenting, competitions & comics) appear to be quite convivial affairs. However, I've noticed that those bringing members together through no other reason than tenuous geography rapidly descend into Daily Mail type sniping.

A now-defunct East Lothian forum was plagued with bullying, last-wordism and spite. It would appear that many people didn't want a discussion but to be agreed with. I'm disappointed but not surprised that a national forum appears to be going the same way. I seriously doubt that anyone subscribing to a "teenage pregnancy" thread does so with the intention of offering solutions but merely wishes to note their moral outrage.

Some people simply want to start a fight (if you hate all children, why on earth would you even look at a thread to do with the little critters?).

Tuesday 15th August

I investigated some noise outside and found several little boys leaning over the fence pinching our plums. I told them I didn't mind them taking them but they had to wait until they had turned purple. They were polite enough as I pointed out some ripening fruit but as soon as they were safely down the road one of them shouted what sounded like "I like your pink hair". Eh? My red hair has faded considerably but it's hardly pink.

Sitting here four hours later, thinking about having a bath and doing some defuzzing, I've just realised what he actually said was "I like your pit hair".

Monday 14th August

What do you get the man who has everything? If the man in question is Nigel then its easy: a whistling kettle; a revisionist history of the great war & a solar airship. Throw in a couple of Usurper CDs, three children and you have the makings of a party.

The Usurper CD was, erm, challenging to say the least. It was like a soundtrack of my abcess. At one point I thought the whistling kettle had sprung to life. Lucy was enthralled. She pogo'd around the room and then lay her head against the TV to get 'static hair'. In the evening we watched Punk Attitude. As Punk's Not Dad birthdays go, Nigel's 39th rocked.

Sunday was like the opposite of Saturday - I picked some apples and cherries from the garden and made a pie (yes, really!!!!) and did some filing.

Great excitement this morning when our mannequin arrived. Emily is undecided as to whether she should be called Grema, Nevar or Raven. I think she should be called B1361.

Friday 11th August

We had a lovely day yesterday celebrating Georgie's birthday. She loves playing ring-a-ring o' roses and gets all giggly and excited at "Atishoo". When we sang Happy Birthday to her she was clapping her hands with delight.

We hadn't planned to go anywhere because the day was divided up by different appointments but we went for an early evening stroll along to Prestongrange, picked up two bags worth of litter and had drinks and chocolate at Prestongrange Museum. Everything is a third off during their late night openings so it's like travelling back in time 20 years.

I was very proud of Emily's behaviour at the dentist yesterday. I wasn't nearly so brave when I visited today. My jaw feels like it has been punched by a bare-knuckle fighter and my ear feels like a firework is about to explode. The dentist confirmed that I have an abscess and I'm waiting for the effects of the antibiotic to kick in. I had to pay for my prescription for the first time in yonks (my maternity exemption having ended yesterday). It hardly seems fair when I've been in pain for days.

Every sound seemed to make my teeth hurt. The pain was driving me to the point of insanity. Read an account of other people's misery here. Every two weeks someone jumps off the Golden Gate Bridge. One jumper's suicide note read “Absolutely no reason except I have a toothache.” Poor sod.

I went to the Goth to collect our copy of "Prestonpans: A Social & Economic History across 1000 years";"The Mural Trail and Art Treasures Of Prestonpans" and the Prestonpans 2007 Calendar.

Thursday 10th August
http://www.GlitterMaker.com/ - Glitter Graphics
http://www.GlitterMaker.com/ - Glitter Graphics

Wednesday 9th August

I woke up with a headache.

As I was getting breakfast underway, Lucy came running into the kitchen saying "Georgie...Georgie". I put my head round the door to see what she was up to. Lucy tugged at my arm and said "upstairs". Georgie was trying to climb into the bath which was still full of water. Terrifying.

I'm in loads of pain again as yet another temporary filling has dislodged. All local dentists are on holiday and the emergency dentist's number is busy.

It must be a Wednesday.

Monday 7th August

July photos have been uploaded. See them here.

Sunday 6th August

We went to Berwick-upon-Tweed yesterday. All three girls got new shoes. Good job I buy my stuff in charity shops (Clark's Theorum: 4F+7½G+12F=£77). Actually, Berwick is a charity shoppers heaven. I'd like to go back sometime without the kids.

It was Georgie's first trip to England. We nearly went to Durham but the £40+ price differential swung it. The girls got free Virgin Train rucksacks. Unfortunately, Lucy used hers to be sick in. Shame...we could have done with it on the way back when she got diarrhoea.

She perked up when we got home and both she and Emily used their shoeboxes to play ticket inspectors.

We had a relaxed day today. Walked to Burns Yard, bought two mirrors (I know, its an addiction) and a tape drive. We spent a lot of time in the garden. I absolutely love working in the garden.

Nigel fixed the vacuum cleaner which means no more Cinderella-style cleaning of the carpet with a dustpan and brush.

Friday 4th August

Nigel and I keep singing the "Another Girl, Another Planet" song from the advert. This is ironic since we are currently in dispute with that particular phone company...I'm sure we're not the Only One's.

Tesco Value chocolates last night were surprisingly yummy but this morning's Tesco Value cornflakes were a bit granola-y. Bet they would make a good gratin-type thing though.

Thursday 3rd August

At 8.17 a.m. all four Barker girls were waving at Nigel's train out of my bedroom window. As the train disappeared westward, we watched as a man left the field opposite. The room fell silent. Emily was the first to speak...."He's walking a...cat!". Lucy quickly followed with "Cat... Miaow... Man".

At one point today, my buddleia had 8 butterflies and countless bees.

Wednesday 2nd August

Taken from Sun microysystems invoice:
"Please pay this invoice within 20 days and Sun will contribute £100 to the NSPCC (if the value of this invoice is higher than £20,000)."

Wow! Such generosity.

Tuesday 1st August

I was playing a game with Emily that involved each person joining two dots to make either a horizonal or vertical line. Whoever made a box wrote their initial inside. Until I read about this game in Emily's book, I had completely forgotten about it.

Monday 31st July

I had a rare evening away from the kids when Carmel and I went to the Robert Mapplethorpe private view on Friday leaving Nigel and Andrew looking after the kids.

Saturday and Sunday were mostly taken up with doing laundry and tidying bedrooms. And watching Georgie take her first steps.

This morning, Emily and I have been looking at aerial views of the local area at http://local.live.com. Emily really enjoyed pointing out her school and zooming in. We could even see the Monkey Loft. So engrossed were we that we failed to notice Georgie climbing upstairs. I heard her cry and as I went to investigate found her at the top of the stairs face to face with a black and white cat. The cat was unperturbed by either my presence or Georgie's cries and proceeded to roll over and "sunbathe" on the landing.

Most interesting item in today's mail: one stick of "Where I Live" rock.

Friday 28th July

Anyone who doubts that a small thing can make a big difference has never dusted a lightbulb.

Happy Sys Admin Day.

Thursday 27th July

Today's post included an art set for Emily who is a runner-up in a "draw a grumpy relative" competition and a 16-track "one-in-four" CD for me. I haven't listened to it yet but It looks promising.

Developmental milestone: Georgie can wave and say "Hiyaaaa" at the same time. How cute.

Wednesday 26th July

I lopped the tops of some bushes (or trees?) in the front garden. Hard work but worth it as light now floods through the dining room window. It was very satisfying work and a eucalyptus-like scent wafted through the morning air.

Later, the smell of cloves was in the air as yet another temporary filling had to be replaced. Everything went ok until I had a cup of tea four hours later and was in a lot of pain.

Emily is wearing her current favourite top - a sparkly number that leaves a trail of glitter wherever she goes - we will all be iridescent by the end of the day.

I had toyed with the idea of next reading whichever book was mentioned first in my current book (does that make sense?). Almost every book I have ever read refers to another book, usually some worthy tome to show the author's credentials. Instead, I've plumped for "The Missing Books" which looks a fun, lazy read.

Tuesday 25th July

I've gathered in the last of the redcurrants and put them in the freezer. I hope I manage to use them.

It is tooo hot to do real work so I'm updating my other pages. Inspired by Betty's quoting of "To a Skylark" I've put up a page of some of my favourite poems. Not as highbrow as Shelley but I am fond of them.

Website of the day: Bugpowder

Monday 24th July

Now the mart is behind us I have to address zillions of outstanding bits e.g. Farcical Tax Credit "overpayment" of £7k, website updates, housework and everything else that has been neglected for the past fortnight.

Prestonpandemonium went very well and I was glad the Glas Vegas crowd showed their support.

Had a nice day out at Morison's Haven yesterday to wind down. As everyone knows, all the best beaches have pebbles (Brighton, Nice, Prestonpans). Uniquely, ours has some added bonuses. To the casual observer, parts of the Prestonpans coastline can appear quite bleak. Look closer and you will see that the bricks bear the marking "Prestongrange" or "P.G.", the "pebbles" are actually fragments of pottery, teapot spouts or jug handles - all a relic from the town's industrial heyday. I added to my blue & white pottery collection and Emily collected lots of spacers and other kilnware.

You can tell a lot about someone from what they don't notice.

Thursday 20th July

My copy of The List arrived today. It has a nice piece on the mart with a photo of Nigel. It looks good. He looks good. I'm really looking forward to it now the hard work is over. Just some more bagging and pricing to be done now but that is Nigel's job. Price labels arrived in time for the mart as did copies of Sturgeon White Moss and a box of stuff from Turnaround.

Finished Cloud Atlas. Decided not to bother with "Skinhead". Can't decide what to read next.

Checked to see if Comic Art Collective has been updated recently. It has. The only thing I might have bought for Nigel's birthday was something by Eric Reynolds which has already been snapped up. I don't think he would have liked the Pol Pot Pop! CD.

Husband, it is time to start dropping hints about what you might want for the glorious twelfth.

Wednesday 19th July

I haven't blogged for ages owing to a combination of laziness/depression/busyness. The last few days have been as awful as they have been hot - i.e. very. Now I'm feeling really quite 'up' .

Emily's birthday has come and gone. It didn't go well. She was in a strop and I had been feeling quite redundant, unloved and disrespected. There is nothing like a summer's day for making me feel like that. To be exact, there is nothing like skinny half-dressed carefree youths to make me feel old. Or visiting Myspace. Or spending time with my family.

Twice in the past week I have exchanged pleasantries through gritted teeth with people I despise. This, I did for my child. The same child who for the last 8 days has screeched "I hate you" at me. This parenting lark is soooooo rewarding.

Three cheers for Dynorod for unblocking the loo and whose advice I will now pass on: never use those clip on air freshner thingies that turn the water blue/green. If they fall down the loo, the whole loo fitting will have to be removed.

Equilibrium is restored, now I'm only mildly irritated/amused by a CBBC presenter struggling to name four British Prime Ministers despite having a degree in politics.

Thursday 6th July

My second coffee maker arrived today ...in pieces...this had been as a replacement for the last one that arrived with parts missing. Am I ever going to get a working coffee maker?

Also in today's mail was a packet of Wonderbum tights (and you thought it was naturally like that), a Miss Sixty top from my sister (thanks Rachel) and a birthday present for a friend of Emily's. I sought Emily's advice in buying this. "He likes Rangers" she proffered. Nigel and I exchanged glances. "Are you sure?" I say.

"He talks about them all the time".
"What does he say about Rangers?".
"That he likes them and that he wants me to play too".
"Emily, do you think D might have meant "Power Rangers"?
"Yes. That's what I said. Power Rangers".

Wednesday 5th July

For the first time since my filling came out on my rockclimbing debacle I am pain-free. I'll need root treatment on the broken tooth but a temporary filling seems to have done the trick meantime.

Too many of the phone calls I receive are from people who are either a) trying to sell my something or b) wanting a favour of some sort or c) clinically insane...so it was nice to have a chinwag with Laura.

Monday 3rd July

By noon on the first day of the school holidays one vase had been smashed, two children were still in pyjamas and three slices of toast remained jammy side down on the carpet. I am determined that we are going to get through this day without falling out.

Emily clearly had other ideas.

She complained that her cous cous tasted like "that thing that sounds like my name". Semolina? "No, silly, p-o-l-e-n-t-a.". sounding it out to me like I am a straw-sucking yokel. I (calmly) suggested she had an apple. "No, it's red. I only like green."

"Why then, did you pick up four red apples in the supermarket?" (A reasonable question). "I DIDN'T!... I picked up FIVE!".

Sunday 2nd July

What an emotional rollercoaster the last few days have been. I had been quite low and then, lo!, my newest niece arrived - Martha. Everything suddenly got brighter.

I attended the RSA's Coffee House Challenge and really enjoyed being part of something dynamic. Lots of good quality discussions with intelligent people. Everyone remarked on Lucy and Georgie's impeccable behaviour. If only they had seen me half an hour later dragging a screaming Lucy up Ayres Wynd.

Actually, Lucy has been showing quite a lot of defiance recently. On Saturday I attempted to put her in a pretty dress for a change and she struggled like an eel shrieking "No WAY!"

Most bizarre moment: A woman pointing to Georgie and Lucy, asleep in the double buggy and asking "Are they identical?".

Wednesday 28th June

http://www.GlitterMaker.com/ - Glitter Graphics
http://www.GlitterMaker.com/ - Glitter Graphics

Monday 26th June

Nigel and both know more about CMYK and the various aspects of colour printing than we did a week ago. Who would have thought getting a flyer produced could be such a kerfuffle.

The garden has produced magnificent pink peonies(?) and I've concluded that what I thought were gooseberries are probably redcurrants. How best to test this theory?

Sam Burns has got a website - I can't believe it.

Friday 23rd June

I mentioned to my sister how I couldn't stand a sickly sweet "poem" that had been posted on a site we both visit. I don't do 'cutesy' and this nonsense was the literary equivalent of a giant pink teddy bear with a glittery ribbon. Rachel thought it was nice.

Am I the only person who can't stand this sort of thing? I should run a poll. It actually makes me feel quite violent. I almost posted a message to that effect on the site. We both agreed that if were viewing each other's profile we would not get in touch and would probably decide that the other person was too soppy/psychotic. Yet, we do actually get on quite well. There's a lesson there somewhere.

For the curious, here is the verse in question - yeeuch....bleeeurgh......uuurggh..

Thursday 22nd June

I would love to say that I faced my fears and scaled the dizzy heights of Berwick Law on my rock climbing course but that would be a big fat lie. I am possibly the world's most inept climber. I ache everywhere. I have bruises, nettle stings, scratches and rope blisters - and that was just from climbing into the minibus.

Website of the day: sketchswap

Monday 19th June

It was a curate's egg of a weekend. Rotten parts=most of it (Gala day, father's day, card inexplicably being declined in Scotmid). Excellent parts=Lucy excitedly shrieking "it's the Doctor, hooray!" at the television.

I was disappointed not to have gone to the College of Art graduate show but still had a good time on Friday evening when the wine flowed in Cockenzie & Port Seton community centre. Friday early evening may seem like an odd time for a six year old's birthday party but actually its perfect as, let's face it, most parents aren't going out on a Friday evening, and it tires out the little scamps.

I'm working hard to promote the comic mart - Prestonpandemonium - the logo is looking great (thanks Nulsh),

Friday 16th June

A couple of observations - what can it all mean?

Now listening to: www.virginradio.co.uk/suggs (Lucy's choice)

Thursday 15th June

Toooo busy.Tooooooooooo darned hot.

The phone rings. While I answer yet another 'marakatin' call, I hear the sound of smashing crockery in the kitchen. I tell the caller this is a bad time to which he responds "2, 4 6 or 8 windows?".

I return to the livingroom and begin cleaning the blood off Lucy. Georgie crawls over to me and pulls herself up by holding on to my legs. I now have Georgie-sized poo handprints on my legs and shorts. Georgie is standing in Lucy's discarded nappy.

Wednesday 14th June

Emily didn't mention her sore arm until bedtime so I guess she's better. She fell out with her friend today. They were arguing over who had the biggest feet. It went along the lines of:

Friend: "No, my mum says my feet are bigger than yours"
Emily: "Your mum doesn't know what size my feet are"
Friend: "Aye, aye"
Emily: "No, no".
Friend: "I'm going home then"

Emily is full of profound thoughts and questions at the moment ("why do you say an alarm has gone 'off' when you mean 'on'?). Bible stories she learns at school generate lots of questions. I'm not sure how to answer all of them, but I try...

Tuesday 13th June

The last few days have been a bit rubbish. Our domain name is back with us and we've also bought Prestonpandemonium.com. We thought we might have to take Emily to hospital after a tumble in the garden. Fortunately she seems okay. I'm too tired to think clearly let alone blog.

I just know I'm going to dream about bloody comics.

Sunday 11th June

See: Giant poppies which have appeared in our garden
Smell: Distant barbecues and newly mown grass
Hear: Football commentary
Taste: Sunday dinner
Touch: New doorbell

Wednesday 7th June

The Alien Cow has been stolen. I feel horrible so I bet the artists and organisers feel much worse. I was surprised people thought it was funny. I was down at the Goth for something billed as a children's workshop but it was a non-starter as it was intended for schoolkids who, erm, are at school.

It was perfect weather for Emily's sports day today and I was so proud of her. They were divided into small teams and proceeded around the playing fields taking a turn at each section. I noticed quite a lot of the children are little fatties. I don't mean chubby (or "solid" as people usually refer to Lucy) but, well, considerably overweight. As the children waited to take their turn, one mum walked over to her rather spherical child and gave her a piece of an Aero! She carried on giving her 'treats' throughout the event.

Most irritating moment: some busybody laying her palm across Georgie's forehead to check whether she was too hot. Grrrr.

Tuesday 6th June

Having had a lazy morning in the back garden, I decided to go to a health policy thing at the school. I have always avoided going to school meetings because I'm terrified what Lucy & Georgie will get up to. The worst that happened was Lucy taking off her nappy. I didn't really have much to contribute to the meeting but it has shown me that I can actually go out with the girls and survive the experience.

After school we went to the Small World Shop where the staff offered me a cup of coffee which I gratefully received. They made a fuss of the girls and gave them chocolate. Fair Trade supporters are just the nicest people.

Sunday 4th June

The exhibition is over and I think we can say it was a success. We wondered whether people would come out to Prestonpans to see "non-mainstream" art - and they did. And they loved it. In short, Nulsh and Malcy rocked the Monkey Loft. And Nigel sold comics. Result.

It is absolutely hilarious to think about Molly Sugden's Bridesmaid who, wrongly anticipating an invitation, spoke at length and in great detail about her plans for this weekend.

The only negative is that no visitors came as a result of external publicity. This doesn't affect us but isn't fair on our artists who deserve an opportunity to reach a wider audience.

Minibeasts spotted in the garden: one ladybird; several snails, one centipede, several woodlice/slaters, several earwigs/clipshears, a few worms, lots of greenfly.

Friday 2nd June

I was pleased for Nulsh and Malcy that last night's preview went so well - at least forty of the Beautiful People turned up and a groovy time was had by all.

Clumps of dandelion clocks have appeared in both the field opposite and the distant 'top field'. They rippled in the breeze looking like waves coming down the hill. I watched this 'ocean' for quite some time until I was distracted by the arrival of the coal train.

Ray of Sunshine: Meeting Betty in the High Street (unfortunately our brief conversation was drowned out by junkiemum)

Clouds on the horizon: Absence of coffee maker which should have been delivered. (Apparently I was out when they called and, despite the courier's claims to the contrary, no note was left. Their tracking note reads "Door Description: WHITE" . I pointed out that my door was not white. Apparently this is a "shipping term". Hmmm.)

Wednesday 31st May

Last night I put my foot into my shoe and it wouldn't go all the way in. I pushed my foot against the obstruction. And pushed. And pushed. A seering pain shot through my big toe and I suddenly felt a crushing pain on my foot. As my foot involuntarily shot out of the shoe, it was quickly followed by a wasp. It took a few seconds to take on board what had happened because I couldn't tally the amount of pain I was in with such a small creature.

Things that are irritating me this week: yokels, piety, banality

Wednesday 24th May

I can't really take the mickey out of Nigel for reading Stephen King novels when I haven't read any myself so I've started reading "Gerald's Game". Doesn't he go on?!

He might be referred to as a modern day Dickens but I think he has more in common with Sir Walter Scott. Ivanhoe idea if I'll stick with it but suspect I'm going round the Oliver Twist.

This morning, Emily wanted to take a picture to school for her teacher. I didn't think that was a good idea. She said "but we're allowed to take in very special things." I was highly sceptical and asked for some examples. A big sigh followed before she said "F took in her medal for highland dancing, L showed us a certificate and M brought in three grapes."

Tuesday 23rd May

What's the difference between The Lone Ranger and a hydrangea?

One rode a horse and the other rhododendron.

(Thanks Jubuloo)

Thursday 18th May

I don't have a lot of spare time so I was irked that I wasted 93 minutes on Jodie Foster's Flightplan last night.

JF played the recently widowed Kyle Pratt who boards an aeroplane with her young daughter. Her dead husband is in his casket in the hold of the plane which she just happened to have designed - the aircraft that is not the casket. The daughter goes missing.

This ludicrous/elaborate/far-fetched plot relies on the fact that no-one can recall having seen her board the plane. If there had have been any corroboration or evidence of the girl being on the plane the baddies cunning plan would have just fallen apart. Flimsy stuff. Still, it was 93 minutes snuggled up on the sofa which is never a waste of time.

Etiquette Guide for the Self-Important: Upon receiving an invitation to an event you consider "low-brow", be gracious in your thanks and then get diplomatic flu.

Tuesday 16th May

My mail included two cards, a decorated envelope and three hands - a bumper crop.

Everyone (else) seemed agog with the news that the Real Radio Renegade was in town. I had to have this explained to me.

I wore my Jesus t-shirt today. After I waved to Julie on the day centre minibus it occured to me that several passengers might have thought they had just experienced a visitation.

Monday 15th May

Yesterday's journey was quite exciting...locomotively speaking. We did a detour via a Dalmeny branch line. I wish I had taken my Etrex with me. Yes, readers I am an uber-nerd.

The bargain of the day was a gorgeous shot silk Monsoon dress for £4.50 in Oxfam in Byres Road. It is the kind of dress (I imagine) one would wear to an open air performance of Midsummer Night's Dream or to meet prospective in-laws over lunch. In other words, not me at all. It is completely impractical, dry-clean only but hey, I need something to go with my anorak.

Overhead conversation: "Should this be put under 'Prefab' or 'Sprout'?" (Oxfam record shop, Byres Road, Glasgow).

Thursday 11th May

I've embarked on a 14 day "Happiness" experiment run by NetMums. It uses the "Making Slough Happy" principles, namely:

  1. Count your blessings each day
  2. Have a good laugh every day
  3. Cut TV viewing by half
  4. Plant something and look after it
  5. Get physical
  6. Talk time – an hour conversation with good friend or partner once a week
  7. Say hello to a stranger every day
  8. Phone a friend or relation
  9. Treat yourself and enjoy it
  10. Daily kindness – do a good turn

Tuesday 9th May

When the sun appeared this afternoon I was able to whip out the sun tan lotion from the bottom of the buggy. Before anyone goes reaching for the "Most Organised Mother of the Year Award" nomination forms, I feel compelled to point out that the shopping basket also contained an empty polystyrene cup and lid; 2 dummies; 3 paper napkins; flyer for "Civil War"; wrapper from a School Bar; "Big and Little" book; Emily's/Lucy's communal pink cardigan; two black grapes; empty carton from long since eaten Ford's custard biscuits; lid from juice bottle; a receipt; a pear and a packet of nappies, unopened still in carrier bag and, inexplicably Mr Muscle Multi Task.

Monday 8th May

We've decided to stop having our newspaper delivered as we can never be certain whether it will arrive before Nigel leaves for work. The problem is that the paper is delivered by a schoolkid. Well, that isn't the problem per se. Where the system fails is during the school holidays when the delivery boys & girls get to have a lie in.

We were quite accepting of the situation and just stopped our papers for the duration of the holidays and restarted when they went back to school. However, when I rang to say the newspaper was late again the reply was "Well it would be. M's got an exam this afternoon."

I find it difficult enough to diarise my own child's school holidays and "in-service" days without adding exam timetables and study leave into the equation.

Website of the day: Tony's Collections

Sunday 7th May

This weekend I...

Friday 5th May

Scottish Blood Transfusion Service needs all donors who are available to give blood immediately as a matter of priority. It if very important Scotland collects 1,000 units of blood every single day. (In recent weeks SNBTS has barely averaged 880 donations each day).

Find out where your nearest blood donor sessions is by clicking here or telephone 0845 3017270 if you have any queries.

Thursday 4th May

I've been in a dark place and I couldn't quite shake the mood until this afternoon.

It took four hours to do what I thought would be a straightforward job on the computer. The hot water is still not working and there is that grey cloud hovering above me.

I decided to take affirmative action and took the girls to the new park. It's nice. They enjoyed it. I've gone freckly. The sun is shining.

Tesco man has just delivered a case of zinfandel and the hot water has sprung into life.

Wednesday 3rd May

"Toto, I have a feeling we're not in Kansas anymore." said Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz. It has been exceedingly windy here today.

Dorothy isn't a name one hears much nowadays. According to Baby Name Voyager, it enjoyed a peak about 1920 and fell out of favour afterwards. Off the top of my head I can only think of two Dorothys I know personally. Three if you count Dorothy Perkins (which was named after a rose in 1919). It sounds an incredibly frumpy name but "Dorothea" sounds really glamorous or at least the character in Armistead Maupin's "Tales of the City" was.

THe only other film I can think of with a leading Dorothy is "Tootsie". I always remember, near the end of the film, Jessica Lange saying to Dustin Hoffman "I miss Dorothy".

Philosophical question of the day: Can you miss something you never had, if you really thought you had it?

Tuesday 2nd May

I idled away a good 10 minutes flicking through the iwantoneofthose catalogue. It is billed as being full of "stuff you don't need...but you really, really want".

Coveted items include T-Qualizer music t-shirt; Gunslinger Game; Holy Toast presses; Ouch! toothpick holders and my favourite: Manhole Cover Door Mats.

Some are just plain daft but I can imagine having fun with anyway (e.g. remote control shark and a hand grenade alarm that you chuck into a person's bedroom and the only way they can shut off the noise is by finding the pin).

Missed photo opportunity: Two fighting cat